The Bird Poo Paradox

So there we were, out for a power walk (okay stroll) on a lovely warm summer evening, when the conversation turned to bird crap and the likelihood of being hit by it.

Now you might think this is an odd subject to be discussing in such circumstances, but that’s because you don’t walk with your 13 year old daughter. If you did you would know that strange as the subject of conversation may appear, it is infinitely preferable to the usual topic which broadly falls into three basic themes…

  1. What Jessica/Emily/Chloe said on Facebook today and why itwas just SO unfair.
  2.  Why Mrs Watchamacallit is the worst teacher ever invented.
  3. Whether to wear the black or red top/coat/jeans/pyjamas for the next sleepover/party.

Anyway, back to the bird shit, which came as a welcome relief.

My daughter kicked things off by saying that cars are often covered in the stuff, but it’s quite rare for people to get splattered. We quickly decided that cars are outside for more of the time, are often parked under trees, and are just a lot bigger (well, usually!) than people, and turned to the question of why some people get ‘hit’ more than others. It was then that she expounded her theory….

“The narrower  your shoulders, the less chance you’re gonna get pooed on!”

It’s hard to argue with the logic of that, and I couldn’t help thinking that it was a pretty accurate metaphor for life as well.

Much of what I write about here is concerned with helping you to become more successful and wealthy – to help you ‘broaden your shoulders’ and improve your lifestyle. I tend to focus on the positive aspects of that (of which there are many) but rarely, if ever, discuss the other side of the coin…

When you broaden your shoulders, you almost inevitably become more visible, and when you become more visible, you become a target. The broader your shoulders, the bigger target you become, and the chances that you will take a direct hit at some point become depressingly high. Those dishing the dirt are motivated by a couple of thoughts – jealousy and greed. You have money, assets or resources, and they want to either relieve you of them or get their own  hands on some of it.

So who are these dark forces who don’t trouble you when you’re broke, but start to smell blood as soon as they sense you’re having some success?  Well in no particular order of either likelihood or severity, you can expect one or more of the following to start raining excrement down  in your direction at some point…

  • Friends and family
  • HMRC
  •  Ex wives, husbands or partners
  • Predatory lawyers
  •  Con artists
  • Thieves and burglars
  • Opportunist litigators
  • The media
  • Employees and former employees
  • Neighbours
  • Internet trolls
  • Desperate entrepreneurs
  • Myriad government departments

I could go on.

As targets go, I’m  not the biggest, but I’ve been pooed on by a number (but by no means all) of those sources, and fully expect a further dousing in the years to come. If I’d been broke, none of this would have happened, but if I’d been broke, a great deal more good stuff wouldn’t have happened either. There’s a price to be paid for everything, and  this is one of the prices we pay for success.

So what can you do to protect yourself?

Well ‘playing a straight bat’, keeping your wits about you and keeping a low profile certainly help. But the latter isn’t always possible or desirable. Your business may require that your profile is kept high, and why the heck should you work hard for success and then live like a hermit pauper anyway?  What’s the point in that? A little self restraint and situational sensitivity can definitely help though. As with many things in life, forewarned is forearmed. Consider this your warning and your gratis trip to the ammo dump.

Now I know there are some people who will use this potentially negative aspect of success as an excuse for doing nothing – for maintaining their mediocrity.  “I don’t want to become a target and so I’m going to just potter along in anonymity” they’ll say. “It’s just not worth it.”

Do you think I’m being harsh calling it an excuse?

Well there’s a simple way to find out – ask those people  (or yourself if it was your immediate reaction) whether they buy lottery tickets or similar. If the answer is no, then I commend them for the choice they’ve made. But if the answer is yes, it isn’t the descending crap that inevitably comes with wealth and success that they fear, it’s the hard work that it can take to get there. And deep down they know the truth…

Despite becoming a target, being rich and successful beats being poor and struggling ever time. The only question is whether you’re prepared to pay the price for getting there.

5 thoughts on “The Bird Poo Paradox

  1. Jeff Newton

    John I look forward to receiving your daily “food for thought” as a budding entrepreneur aged 66 I have had a serviced office incorporating 23 companies, bought out 3 companies with 2 going bust, costing me the Business Centre and left with Alltrax. I have worked on a project for 7 years on recruitment with a difference and unable to secure a Bank or business Angel for the £450,000 with a 3 year project of leaving with £7m – are you interested in talking, I would love to meet you anyway if you have time for lunch anytime?

    Reply
  2. Chris Ruane

    I think it takes precious little these days to cause jealousy. Long before any posh car arrives in the drive, the difference in your attitude and direction in attempting something beyond 4 hours per night of tv will mark you for ridicule !

    Reply
    1. John Harrison Post author

      That’s true actually. The ‘poo dump’ can often start when you show signs of TRYING to do something better or different. Some people will feel the need to rain down on you before you’re off the ground. If you succeed, then so could they – if they put in the same effort. And that’s a thought that doesn’t sit comfortably.

      Reply
  3. Roy Manley

    As a teenager I wanted to improve my speaking voice. Lots of poo from elder brothers who demanded to know if I was a poofter and “aren’t we good enough for you” and similar comments put me off and I stopped going.

    Reply

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